How to Make Amazing Things Happen in Your Career and Life

47 Comments

1. I hope you enjoyed this Tip and interview and found them useful. Most importantly, I want you to put the Tip into action!

   Every day of the Summit, I’m awarding a prize for the Best Comment. So, leave a comment to share what action you’ve taken or are going to take, or your biggest “aha” and how the Tip or interview is making you think differently.

   And remember, you can get input from me here when you comment or ask a question. So go ahead and share what you are thinking and doing with this Tip!

2. My aha moment: “Asking drives the giving and receiving cycle”. Admittedly, I can get busy trying to overcome a challenge and fail to ask for expert help or advice because it seems to take too much time. The truth is, that not asking adds time to the dilemma as I attempt to create a solution alone.

   • Many people face the same issues, Brenda. Your aha moment can be motivation to increase your requests, and thereby get the resources you need. And, of course, to give as well as ask and receive.

3. I am guilty of this Wayne. I don’t even try to use my social capital. Interestingly, if someone asks me to help then if I can, then I will.

   Time for me to ask and move things forward. Here goes…

   Russ

   • Thanks for watching, Russ! Sometimes it helps to start with a small ask in a safe place…asking is a habit that strengthens over time through practice. Let us know how it goes!

4. Timely reminder and great example

   • Thanks, Julie!

5. I admit, I do not use my social capital enough. T…and the concept of Networking has always scared me. (“Who am I to ask for help out of the blue…?). However, if the reverse happened, I would jump in whole-heartedly! Thank you for this insight and motivation!

   • Actually, I don’t like the term “networking” because of it’s negative connotations. I think of asking, receiving, and giving as positive engagement in the world. Is there a small “experiment” you can try?

     • Absolutely! Thanks, Wayne!

6. Wow ! What a powerful session. I fall into the over-giver category. I am learning to ask for what I need and it is really freeing to be able to do it. And most of the time, if I ask for something thoughtfully, I do get what I ask for. If I look at what might be some barriers that stop me from asking, one of it is what Wayne addressed, which is that I don’t want to look like I am not capable. Is this especially true in workplace setting. Growing up, part of my upbringing is that it is good to give, but don’t ask for too much. Don’t trouble others. Do it yourself. Be independent.
   Thank you Wayne for this powerful 30 minute session. Thank you May for choosing this topic to be on !

   • Thank you, Wendy! Most people are in the overly generous giver category. And, many people don’t ask for what they need for the reasons you mentioned. But, as we know, asking drives the giving-receiving cycle. I call it the Law of Giving and Receiving. We need to do both. By doing so, everyone benefits!

     • Thanks Wayne. Having listened to your session, I have a whole new view of giving and asking.

   • Thank you for sharing your insight here, Wendy – as a fellow “over-giver” I know what you mean. Wayne’s thought leadership on asking is much needed in the world. Every time I feel like chickening out, I hear Wayne’s reassuring voice saying, “all you have to do is ask” and I’m then able to kick into action.

     Wishing you happy asking, receiving and giving!

7. I was brought up with the idea that asking for help meant being weak. I do love to help anytime and help a lot, sometimes even when i shouldn’t. This is such a mind changer.

   • Thanks, Ana, for your comment. I was brought up that way, too! I learned over time, through experience and research, that the world is a better place when people ask for what they need and generously help others. More problems are solved, people are less stressed, and everyone is more connected in a positive way.

8. I Have enjoyed this interview! I have realised I have used S.M.A.R.T., when I was convincing my mom to let my sister go for a night out. I spoke to mu mom while she was cooking, explaining step by step all WHY’s and it worked every time!

9. Thanks, Natalja! I love your example! I found that when my son was a teenager that the SMART guidelines were helpful. Especially the M (meaningful). Explaining the WHY of the request was much more likely to end up with him willing to do a task, rather than feeling forced to do it.

10. Asking is hard…especially for introverts. We often think we are being a “bother” to the person, but when we are asked to help, we relish the opportunity, the feeling of being valued for our knowledge, and are mroe than happy to help. Why do we deprive others of those same feelings? Our asking is as much giving…giving our respect, admiration, attention… to the person we are asking something of. Thank you for the example that reminds us too of one never knows who knows who. You are 100% right that most people have a giving nature.

11. Thanks for watching the interview, Patty. It is so true that we often think we are a bother, but in fact asking gives the other person the opportunity to be generous and giving. If we don’t ask, people don’t know how they can help. And, there are positive emotions on both side of the equation – the giver feels the warm glow of giving, and the receiver feels gratitude for the help received.

12. Thank you Wayne, I absolutely love the insight on how to ask, even strangers are ready to help if we ask rightly that’s so brilliant. This will definitely turn 2021 around for me

13. Thanks for watching, Tummi! I am glad it was helpful. Here’s to a better 2021 on all fronts!

14. Thank you, Wayne. I believe that it’s also important to know your audience and if there is something that you can offer in return. Perhaps you have a specific skill or talent that you can extend in order to add value.
    If not, you can always ask how you can be of help as well. Growing your network is your part of your net worth.

    • Thanks for watching, Will! I agree – it’s important to both give and receive. I call it the Law of Giving and Receiving (chapter 3 of my new book). Generously give + ask for what you need. Good point about growing your network – it’s important to grow it before you need it.

15. Thank you for this info. In the short-term a negative outcome of asking for help is that one comes up empty. However, some longer-term more positive outcomes are that people now know your area of inquiry, you are seeking assistance and others may now keep in mind that you are receptive to help/dialogue. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    • Thanks, Jonathan, for watching the presentation. Your comment about longer-term positive outcomes made me think of the 3 approaches to figuring out what you need: the Quick Start method, Goal Articulation, and Visioning (a vivid, inspiring, detailed picture of the future you want). When you share that vision with others and know what your goals are, they are very likely to offer help!

16. Thanks for all these ideas. You mentioned going back to a dormant connection for another ask, after they have said no. When doing so, do we aknowledge the previous ask, or not mention it at all? I guess I’m asking how to get rid of any akwardness, when returning for another ask.

    Thank you,
    Kerry

    • Thanks, Kerry, for watching and for your comment! There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to your question; you have to be sensitive to the person. But, generally, I would say there is no need to mention the previous ask. Just go ahead with the new ask. The research says that they are more likely to say yes this time.

17. Great info, thank you!

    • Thank you, Katrina!

18. What a great presentation! Thank you Wayne for sharing your incredible insights and thank you May for your sharp questions!
    I am a recent graduate and as I am navigating my job search, this is spot on! My “aha moment” is the willingness of people to help, if the ask is properly made. For instance, I have been reluctant to ask for a referral yet I always seek advice. As a result, I have been able to exchange with seasoned professionals (strangers included) and work on powerful projects, but I still did not land on any job. Thanks to this session, I understood my blind spot. It’s time to implement the SMART request and capitalize on the connections made!

    • Thank you, Doha! I am so glad the presentation is helpful. Research shows that most good jobs are found through referrals. Many times, what is need is to know where the job openings are. Your weak connections are often the best ways to locate these jobs because their networks are different from yours. Good luck with the job hunt!

19. Thank you for an insightful presentation, Wayne!

    As a young professional, how do you recommend developing and building connections in a way that feels appropriate for you to ask someone of something you need when I don’t have a lot to professionally “give” right now in my early career?

    • Thanks, Katie! One of the best ways to naturally build new connections is by joining a group, club, employee resource group, committee, etc. Make sure it’s something you are interested in, and then look for ways to contribute. Then, your network will be there when you need to ask for something.

      • Wonderful! Thank you so much Wayne!

20. Thank you for the life-changing presentation! There is a lot of information here to unpack and integrate with similar frameworks (A. Grant & D. Burkus.) The two or three step connection and the Join-Give-Ask are action steps I can take right now with my current career switch.

    • Thanks for watching, Jaime, and I am delighted the presentation is helpful for you! The 2 or 3 step connection approach is very effective, as well as Join-Give-Ask. It almost doesn’t matter where you start, as long as you start somewhere. Good luck!

21. What do you do when you have very limited social capital? I have no problems giving, when asked, I do not ask well, but I do on rare occasions. And my circle is very small in the first place. As an extreme introvert, I find moving up in a career nearly impossible. I can say from first hand experience, that it is as much, if not more, about who one knows vs what they know. And us introverts seem to be pushed by society frequently. Besides being an introvert, there are also issues of trust. Hard to ask when experience has given one reasons not to trust.

    • Thanks for your comment, Robert. I am an introvert, too, so I understand where you are coming from. One of the best ways to naturally build new connections is by joining a group, club, employee resource group, committee, etc. Make sure it’s something you are interested in, and then look for ways to contribute. Then, your network will be there when you need to ask for something.

22. Thank you so much for this insightful interview. I find that I am extroverted in social situations but introverted when it comes to making career connections and asking for help. Your SMART method is so easy to follow – it’s sure to be a game changer for me!

    Cheers to you both, May & Wayne!

    • Thanks, Michele! I am glad the presentation is helpful. Follow the SMART method and it becomes easier to ask. Good luck!

23. Several years ago I had a medical situation that forced me to ask for help from everyone around me, for a long period of time. Ugh! As an independent, can-do, problem solver this was the exact thing I didn’t want to do. Cut to: I was forced to learn the value of asking for help. Oddly enough, as I embark on a new job search after completing a mid-life Master’s degree, I started freezing up when it came to this specific ask. I suppose I’ve let that asking muscle atrophy a bit and this was just the conversation I needed. Thank you.

    • Also, fun fact: A long time ago, I made a very specific ask of David Bowie. Everyone said it couldn’t be done but he replied because, in retrospect, the ask met all of requirements of the system you outlined. 🙂

      • David Bowie is one of my favs! So great that you asked and he responded – and that you intuitively applied the system I discussed in my talk. Great example!

    • Thank you, Karyn, for sharing your personal story. I am glad you ask for and received the support you needed to help you thru a tough time. I like your metaphor of thinking of asking as a muscle. It can atrophy without enough use, but just like a muscle, it gets stronger with practice and repetition.

24. I find it hard to ask. And I am an extrovert. I like the idea that an ask open the doors to receiving and giving, especially as that is aligned with my values. Makes me more comfortable with that idea. The advice to be specific as possible makes it actionable. Today I am going to reach out to a friend who is an expert in social media, as I need help now

    • Thanks, Christine, for your comment! Yes, it is more comfortable to ask when one realizes that asking is an essential ingredient of the giving-receiving process. No asks, no help. I am delighted that you are reaching out right now to your friend in social media and making an ask!

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